Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
