Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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