Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I accidentally burped into my bong.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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