Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Soap is not a condiment
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
