i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
