didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
