This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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