Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
