I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
