there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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