Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
