I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Girls should come with a carfax report
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
