Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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