you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
