The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
