Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
