Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
