I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
