The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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