worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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