my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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