if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
