No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
