community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
