Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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