dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
