For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I got inside last night via doggy door
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
