You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
