Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
