Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
