Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
