why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
