I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
