I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
