At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
