They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
