I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
