"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
