**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
