I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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