I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
