I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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