I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my mouth tastes like poor choices
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
