I got chris browned last night
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
