Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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