when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she woke up with a sticky ear
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
as a side note pls kill me
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