I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I need to stop coming to work sober
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
