There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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