She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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