we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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