Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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