It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just high enough for therapy.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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